"When was the last time you realized that your only friends were made of cardboard"

, were the last few words said by Adrian Bliss in the second last installment of his Vlune series. Things started to get haywire for him and it's getting worse and worse for me too. My relationship with people seem to be fading glooming over what's right and what's wrong. 

   As a person, I try to speak well... in a way the person I'm with is comfortable and having fun. For some people words just burst out and the right ones at that, but individuals like myself find it so hard to even start a conversation let alone keep it going. 

   I always fear of saying something that'll hurt them emotionally. I don't intend to hurt anybody. But when I am on a roll when chatting I always think I've said too much of a word or mention of something or someone that may have hurt them.

   You know when you have too much fun chatting with mates that some things just splurge out. I overthink a lot. Not a day passes without feeling hatred towards myself as stupid of a reason as saying a word to someone.

   So I stay silent. Silence... a watertight way to insure nothing negatively deceiving finds its way out. Now everyone thinks you're a stuck up person. Laugh once in a while. But doesn't contribute to the conversation. Am I a bad person. 

   "Sorry", said a lot. Just maybe I hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm not ashamed of saying it. Not many people can and I take pride in that. I just wish I didn't have to say it in the first place. 

   Family members, friends, neighbours, strangers. Can't I talk normally. Such a task to have small talk. But so divine when having deep thoughts. 

   Everything's going nowhere. For the first time in my life, I feel lost. Genuinely past the mark of happy. Everybody is around but non are here. Probably my fault to begin with. Need some time to reevaluate what I want to do when the time comes. Hopefully succeeding.